“Do you mind picking her up from the funeral home? She’s ready.”

I said to my husband.

“Yes. Of course. Can you shoot me the address?” He lovingly replied.

I sat there for a moment in disbelief.

Did this really happen?

Was I pregnant for nearly 23 weeks, then suddenly NOT?

Did I really just leave the hospital with NO BABY?

I felt out of body and my womb…confused.

Sure enough. The facts were there. Sitting in front of my very own eyes.

The fruit of my womb, in ashes, in a small snack sized plastic bag.

#2064 of AAA cremations.

It was jarring to my soul, yet there my handsome husband stood grinning, “It’s out of ashes we rise…there’s no one like Him.”

My daughter Lulu Monroe Burris, passed away in utero from complications from Turner Syndrome.

One day I just noticed that she wasn’t moving anymore, despite my greatest efforts to get her to wiggle.

We had no idea she had it. We decline genetic testing and prefer not to have ultrasounds. (In this case I was grateful because doctors would have implored termination months earlier.)

Her birth was emotional; she was our first child born in a hospital.

Our other children were born at home.

Yet. Despite all the pain…I know our daughter was strategic. Her purpose, mighty.

I knew if I wasn’t purposeful in my healing process, I’d slip into depression FAST.

So I gave myself a lot of space to grieve it all – and grieve it ugly.

Grief would be welcome as I continued to serve our 4 healthy children at home.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are HARD grieving days, yet I still marvel at how much the Lord was holding me throughout my birth and my hospital experience.

Heck.

Over 40,000 people tuned in to my Facebook Live that took place right from my hospital room, just before getting discharged. (You can watch that by clicking HERE)

He is NEAR.

I also wanted to put some things down so that any other mother who is walking through this pain of loss, can have a list to have on hand, in case the grieving gets out of hand. If you prefer to watch a video of me talking about what I did, click HERE.

1. Exercise.

Yeah girl. 10 days after I had my sweet baby, I got my body moving for 30 minutes per day. Even if I couldn’t work the whole 30 minutes, I tried my best. I was able to sweat out some sadness an it really helped me have a better chance at a GOOD HEALTHY MIND to grieve with. I did two rounds of 21 day fix and am still going strong today. I am THANKFUL for this, even on the days I didn’t want to.

2. Nutrition.

I drank 1/2 bottle of Ningxia Red every single day for 2 weeks solid. When you’re sad, you don’t know whether you are going to stop eating entirely or start grabbing junk food. Either way, this ensured I was getting FULL nutrition and flooding my body of antioxidants. I also had a lot of hospital candy (drugs) and was sure to come home and detox. I took 1 capsule of Sclaressence every morning, along with Sulferzyme, Cod Liver Oil, Super B, Super C, Comfortone, Inner Defense, Vit D…and more that I am probably forgetting about.

3. Drink PLENTY of water.

Dehydration makes things way worse. The days I didn’t want to get out of bed, It was because I didn’t drink anything. It heightens sadness. So grab that Berkey water filter and put it bedside if you need to. Oh. And add lots of Vitality Oils need to go in your water.

4. Ask God Where He Was.

This was POWERFUL. During a time of worship, I asked Him where He was while Lulu was being born and after, when I did that Facebook Live. He gave me a vision of laying right in the bed with me and it gave me the kind of inner healing I wish upon everyone. So. Ask Him. He wants to show you and He has a plan and a purpose in all of this.

5. Get In The Word.

This is a perfect time to grab a bible study and just SHOW UP with it. You will be BLOWN AWAY by the things the Lord will speak to you during this season. You are tender, you are in need, and HE IS NEAR.

Whether you were a mom for 6 weeks in utero, or 60 years outside, YOU are a mother.

Cheers to every mother who goes all in on their love – willing to lay her whole heart on the altar.

XO – Mama LB