How To Have Peace Of Mind When Others Don’t

Today we’re going to have a little bit of fun and I’m going to share with you all the ways that you can keep your cool when other people are laying down their peace. 

I’ve found with so many of my coaching clients that there is this moment when you realize you have far more control of taking your thoughts captive than you may have ever realized. At that point in your personal growth journey, you really start to notice when other people are laying down their peace. Your new thinking will cause you to tell everyone you know how they, too, can stop laying down their peace and that it’s a game changer. Watch out, though! Not everyone is ready get out of their comfort zone. 

When you are around other people who are laying down their peace or maybe you can feel the tension in the room, it can be really tempting to force your own values and your new ways of thinking on others. It comes from a place of wanting others to experience a more fulfilling life. This isn’t a bad thing, but something that others have to come on their own oftentimes.  

a short love story

I want to tell you a little story to illustrate my point here. I met my husband on Twitter and then 47 days later, we were walking down the aisle. We met June 17th on the internet. We connected a little bit on Twitter, but then we moved it over to MySpace. Am I dating myself?  Three days later in person. He took me on our first date. And then we were walking down the aisle August 2nd. Just 47 days from the tweet to the time we were walking down the aisle. I tell you this because there were 30 people at our wedding. His family, my family, some of our Twitter friends, and I’ll tell you what–everybody in that room had a lot of thoughts. When that door opened and I walked down the aisle toward my husband, who was a literal stranger at the time, I could feel everyone’s thoughts. Not only was I nervous, but I could hear my dad as he was holding my arm saying, “what are we doing? What are we doing? What am I doing with my girl?” This was his first child to get married and it was to someone he didn’t really know. I could feel his tension as he walked me down the aisle and gave me an awkward smile. Then I had my mom sitting on the front row–she had just flown in–and there were already so many thoughts since we didn’t have a great relationship to start with. Now she was attending the wedding of her daughter and a stranger. Lots of thoughts. She nervously smiled, looked down, looked away. You know how you can see people’s thoughts play out on their faces? That’s what I was experiencing. I just want you to imagine walking down the aisle, feeling everyone’s thoughts, exchanging these vows and then leaving. When we finally left the place, I felt such a wave of relief that I could take the dress off, not be in front of a bunch of people, and that I could just go back to learning my stranger-turned-husband. 

what to do when others are laying down their peace

Being in a room with a bunch of other people who were laying down their peace over me and my choices was very, very stressful. The reason I’m telling you this is I want to give you some tips and tricks for when you are in a group setting with a bunch of people who are having thoughts and you can tell it’s just awkward and they’re probably laying down their peace. I want to tell you how you can be empowered when faced with this sort of situation. 

My daughter presents another example. I can see when her face is kind of frowny or she’s worried about something or she’s irritated by her brothers and sisters. It doesn’t matter what it is. I’ll say, “I can feel your thoughts.” And she’ll kind of get this smirk on her face and she’ll confess what she’s thinking, how she’s feeling, and what she is going to do to move forward, or she will explain what she already did to move forward. 

And what’s really cool about this is I’ve gotten to this place now where I don’t really worry about what other people’s thoughts are going to be. You’ll hear a lot on social media, especially from really intense people, who say, “I don’t care what other people think about me!” And I don’t actually think that’s what they mean when they say that. I think what they mean is they know they’re going to be okay when other people have thoughts because they understand  their thoughts are tied to their feelings and their feelings are tied to their actions. I see this a ton because in the entrepreneurial space we sit down with a lot of entrepreneurs putting themselves out there starting a business and telling people about their business. What they’ll do is if they’re overwhelmed by the cares of what people think, they will have a lot of mind mess and they won’t move forward forward in their endeavor. And so you’ll have these gurus, so to speak, who have been doing this for a while. They’ll say things like “well, you just need to get to a place where you don’t care what others think!”  I don’t ascribe to that. Actually, I think it’s a great opportunity to understand human nature better. Other people are going to have rapid fire thoughts and they’re going to have feelings. The way that you can stay in a room and stay engaged and learn how to not get in the pool of panic with them is to actually care what they think. The idea here is to get an understanding of people. They are entitled to have thoughts that provoke feelings and then you get to learn the skill of being okay when other people have feelings. I want to help you have a different perspective. I want to help diffuse that bomb from going off, so you can enjoy your relationships with other people who are experiencing complex human emotions. 

some practical thoughts

When you’re in the room with someone who has clearly laid down their peace, I want you to know that this feeling is going to pass for them. That moment of panic for them is going to pass. This is where you get the choice of jumping in the pool with them or learning to lounge by the pool and wait for that panic to pass. Wait for the rant session to get over with. It’s really important that you understand there will be a clear, teachable moment on the way, and it’s probably not while they’re in the pool of panic. It’s best not to try to coach anybody or help them see a blind spot while they’re flailing in the pool. Wait until they’ve stopped flailing, and they’re almost like calmly treading water or you could say they’re in this rational moment. That is a teachable moment where mindset work can be introduced. You can help them pick up their peace, have a change of heart and move forward, but it’s usually after the panic and when they have calmed down. 

It’s always going to be a challenge introduce new ideas, but it starts with small steps. Even though this art of loving and serving people who have laid down their peace doesn’t get easier, you get better. Every moment you’re around someone who has laid down their peace is an opportunity for you to pause, check in with the Holy Spirit, and abide with Christ. Your ability to remain calm and be that voice of reason, letting your reasonableness be made known, is what can help someone who has laid down their peace. They can actually get to a place of calm faster. 

allow for different timelines

I’ve seen this be so fruitful in my own marriage. I want to encourage you that when you’re learning new skills and you’re better able to take your thoughts captive, be gentle with others as they’re learning. It can be tempting to force your new perspectives on others, but they often have to come to new insights on their own and their timeline may look different than yours. And that’s ok. 

When someone lays down their peace and you’re in the room with them, pay attention to how you feel and what’s going on with you when others are in the pool of panic. Paying attention to how you feel when other people are in the pool of panic can be such a powerful tool on your journey of self-discovery. When someone is around you and they’re having this moment of laying down their peace and it triggers you to be a little bit nervous or afraid, get curious about that. Sometimes we will be in agreement with something that they’re worried about  and it will give us an opportunity to pray for ourselves in deeper ways. That can be among the most powerful techniques when it comes to you learning how to take your thoughts captive. 

strive for emotional maturity

Lastly, when you’re in a room with someone who has clearly laid down their peace, I want you to remember that people are always going to have thoughts and they’re also as rapid fire as yours. Our thoughts can run away from us and spiral out of control so quickly. You’re never going to be able to keep people from having thoughts. Emotional maturity means that we let them have their thoughts without forcing them (or trying to force them) into the right mindset. 

You want to be the one that says. “I’m going to keep you safe, no matter what you’re thinking right now. I want the best for you, no matter what you’re thinking right now.” When I get to coach businesswomen who are learning to step into social media and showing their face more, and they want to post reels or do things that are more engaging, they’re often afraid of what people are going to say. They have self-defeating thoughts. In these moments. I never tell them, “you just need to not care what other people think!” Instead, we run through some scenarios and I help them prepare for other people’s thoughts. You need to prepare yourself for the possible negativity that others will bring to the table. You need to know that there are people who will come with limiting beliefs, negative thoughts and misunderstandings. And, on the flip side, there will be loads of beautiful human beings that resonate with you and provide encouragement. 

offer mercy and kindness

I want to remind you that you are going to be around other people who lay down their peace and it would serve you really well to be somebody who is mindful. Be someone who understands how to take your thoughts captive. The more you give mercy to other people who haven’t learned to do that yet and the more you can also engage with them, the better. This can be done in a way that would compel them to learn how to take their thoughts captive. It’s one of the best things you can do. You’ll want to teach everybody how to do it, but just remember to do it from a place of kindness and give them some mercy because everybody is learning. I will tell you, you’re going to experience a lot of fruit as you move through this message of learning how to not lay down your peace. You are going to be stunned for a little bit when you’re watching other people and how they react around you or online. Some are aware of their thoughts and their feelings and their actions and some are not. As you continue to take this message and make it your own, you’re only going to grow an awareness of how others are thinking and feeling. This new understanding paired with humility and used in service will bless so many. 

You’re going to walk into rooms that feel awkward because others have laid down their peace and the next time you do, I hope you remember it is not a problem unless you make it a problem. Other people are going to have thoughts and feelings and you have the opportunity to gently help them to make a positive change and choose better ways of dealing with life’s challenges. The quality of your life will improve when you help others understand simple ways to take every thought captive. At the end of the day, you’re only in charge of your own life, though, and they will have to decide to have a change of mind. 

peace is available to all

So, as this message burrows deep into your heart, just remember that you have the ability to influence other people to place this message deep in their heart. The way that you are calm, cool, and collected is 100% leaving them in a place of curiosity. Maybe even curious enough to pursue this path of peace themselves. The good news is everybody, and I mean everybody, is one thought away from the best decision they could make. 

I’m so glad you found me here and I hope this blog post has helped you in some way. Please share it with a friend that needs to know that we never have to lay down our peace. We all need the reminder now and then!