Is a Pain Free Birth Possible?

If you’ve ever thought to yourself that a pain free natural childbirth must be a scam and that it’s impossible to have a natural birth that’s pain free, you’re in good company. A lot of women roll their eyes at the idea that you could enjoy birth or that it could be euphoric, let alone pain free. Most of us women view birth as something that we have to brace ourselves for and that whatever we have to go through is worth it because at the end is the prize, our baby, right?

my first birth

A few years ago, I would have been in total agreement with you.  I didn’t find out the gender of our second baby when I found out I was pregnant because I needed a positive incentive to outweigh all the negativity I had about giving birth for the second time. My first labor was 32 hours long. It was way more intense than I had bargained for and, as all the first-time moms can attest to, I was forever changed. 

I gave up many, many, many times. I was very tired. It was just nothing that I had dreamed up in my mind or in my heart.  So if you’re laying down your peace about giving birth or you know somebody who’s about to give birth and you know that they’re nervous, you’re not alone. This is my chance to sit down with you as if you’re a family member or good friend, pretend like we’re at the kitchen table and tell you a few nuggets that helped me out a ton.

what I’ve learned after 7 births

I’m seven births deep and I have learned something new every time. My goal here is to will help you feel seen and also collapse time with some simple steps towards cultivating peace on purpose when it comes to your big day when you give birth. 12 years of personal experience boiled down to just hopefully 30 minutes or less. 

Let’s revisit the whole pain free birth being a scam thing.  I hate to break it to you, but it’s not a scam. I didn’t believe that until my seventh birth, by the way. Everything I’m saying to you here today, I wish I would have known, or I would have looked into 12 years ago when I was formulating my very first birth plan.

I went in blind like many first-time mothers do and hoped for the best. I didn’t get the worst, but knowing what I know now, it could have been way, way worse.  There’s such an overemphasis of planning birth in the physical realm, like who, what, where, when, why, how, which health care provider, what stuff do I need, and what do I need for postpartum.

it’s not as simple as that

These are all the things that you could write down on paper to formulate a plan. But there’s a problem with only focusing on a plan for the physical in birth because birth is more than physical. It’s physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  And each one of those functions like tires on a car. If one is off, it’s really hard to drive, right?

You have a flat tire. It’s going to cause problems. You can get it done and you can get where you need to go, but not without some heartache and possible accidents. A lot of birth trauma and medical interventions can be mitigated by being a little bit more prepared in advance. I thought I would share with you some tips about birth that will help you dig in and determine which of the four areas you can hone in on. Try to uncover which of these four areas you have the least peace about when it comes to your upcoming unmedicated childbirth.

Birth is something that connects all women on a deep level. The emotional support that we feel towards one another when we’re bringing new life into the world is so rich and it’s so beautiful that you can’t help but love the mom who is bringing forth a baby. So when I say I love you, I’m not trying to be weird. I’m trying to communicate the beautiful idea that birth and labor and bringing forth children really does unite us in a way that you don’t need language for.

As I write this, I’m about to give birth to my eighth child. I don’t know how long the labor is going to be. I don’t know how long I’m going to push. There are so many things that I don’t know, but I’m open to the ride. 

the 4 aspects of birth

Your body is going to give birth and this a physical event. My biggest piece of advice to you is that you learn about physiological birth and how your body functions. I don’t mean just what the health care team is telling you about your body and what maybe they’re concerned about or what they think it’s capable of, but I’m talking about learning about physiological birth as in the actual design of a woman. I’m talking about going beyond what Is offered in most childbirth classes. Learn about how we are all built and wired for birth. Did you know that the uterus is a strong muscle with bands designed to hold a baby strongly for let’s just say 10 months. People say it’s nine months. I promise you it’s 10. But it is built in such a way that it can house a beautiful baby full term. Then when it’s time, it’s so strong that it can eject the baby during the labor process. 

When the baby releases a hormone, that hormone goes to your brain and it starts to stimulate labor. Did you know that?  Also, just as you flex your arm and it doesn’t hurt, that’s what happens when the uterus contracts. But here’s the thing. One of the reasons that women become afraid in birth is because they don’t have a full understanding of how their body works to get a baby out. 

Most of us grow up to believe that the perception of pain during active labor is unavoidable. We’re not told about things like oxytocin and serotonin and adrenaline and cortisol and all the amazing cocktails that are released when you’re giving birth to a baby. We didn’t learn about the pain blocking receptors and that there are nerve receptors in place that actually block pain when you are at peace and you’re trusting the process. 

Let’s face it, it’s hard to trust the process of something that we don’t understand. When it comes to the physical aspect of giving birth, my biggest tip for you is to learn about physiological birth. If you can, take the pain free birth course that you can find linked on the Pain Free Birth Instagram account. They’ll go over all the physiological aspects of birth.  

The second aspect of birth that I want to discuss is mental. You have to prepare your mind for medication-free birth. Whether you’re a first time mom or you’re a mom of many, you’re approaching labor and birth with fears on deck. Whether you have the pain tolerance of a a NAVY seal or you cry when you get a paper cut, you know you need to prepare mentally. I don’t know how this birth is going to go, but I also know that there are going to be some very intense moments. And all of us women have some thoughts rolling around in our brain that create hesitation. It also is a breeding ground where doubt increases and where there is doubt, fear can take a foothold.

it’s possible that this is normal

Fear is where our pain is triggered the most in birth. I wish I would have known that. I wish somebody would have told me hey, these are going to be really intense and that it’s possible that that’s normal. When I wasn’t sure what I was experiencing was normal, I started to panic and brace myself. And that’s where pain comes in. When we start to fight our body or doubt or question our body’s ability, then that’s where pain comes in. Learning how to see what you’re really thinking and then reframing your thoughts can be the difference between a traumatic birth experience and a peaceful state of mind.

I’ve helped hundreds of pregnant mamas reframe their thoughts around birth through my virtual birth class. It’s very important to learn where your panic points are. It’s important so you can recognize when they come up during your labor and know what they are so you can redirect them quickly to get back to a place where you can experience peace. The truth is during every single labor, we are going to be tempted to lay down our peace and to be afraid. That’s not a problem. I’ve said this many times before, but it’s futile to live in such a way where you don’t expect to lay down your peace. You’re going to, but the idea is that you pick it up faster because you understand what is really going on. 

Your thoughts are for your soul what food is to your body. So the more true and believable and lovely thoughts that you focus on during labor, the more nourished your mind will be during labor. If you’re interested in learning how to uncover what you’re most fearful about and discover what’s possible and then learn how to reframe your mind about birth, I would love to serve you deeper in my Peace on Purpose birth class. Mental health and mental vibrancy really has been a great conversation out in the social media world and just amongst Christian circles. People are really starting to see that taking your thoughts captive is a really good idea and it’s nourishing for your soul to do so. 

The third aspect is the emotional aspect of your birth.  How you feel about birth is directly tied to what you’re thinking about birth. These kind of go hand in hand, right? Your emotional experience with birth is going to be tied to your thoughts or the mental part of birth.  If this is an area you need to focus on, consider listening to my podcast called A Life Changing Way to Inventory Your Emotions. You will learn how to uncover what you’re truly afraid of. Are you feeling nervous about your mom being at the birth as a support person? How do you feel about your healthcare provider their preferred pain management methods? Are you aligned? How are you feeling about your children becoming the older sibling? How are you feeling about the financial aspect about giving birth and having a new baby? There are so many questions and the best choice or the proper way to feel isn’t always 100% clear. 

How do you feel about your prior births? You know, every single time that you have a baby, you come to the table with a new experience. Let me tell you something right now that should inspire more relaxation techniques: there is no one, right way to feel. You will have the gamut of emotions and that is a-ok! Emotions are good. God did not make you a robot and he knew you were going to experience a full range of emotions while you’re bringing forth this baby into the world. It’s totally normal. The idea here is to understand that birth in and of itself is emotional. It comes with a lot of feelings and those feelings are okay. 

The fourth aspect I want to discuss is the spiritual aspect. I believe birth is in its very essence is spiritual. God designed your body to give birth and being in alignment with the Lord with a biblical worldview around birth is very important. I’m a little troubled by how many Christians walk around saying that labor and birth is a curse, and therefore they brace themselves and prepare for a cursed labor.  Even as I say that, I know some of you are wincing. But the Bible does say that that labor will be cursed, but hear me out: pregnancy, labor and birth remain just as miraculous and beautiful as before the fall. You’ve got to remember God designed Eve to give birth. She was designed for this. You are designed for this.

God is near and he cares for and loves his children. He loves watching babies be born. The spiritual aspect of birth becomes so needed, especially in the hard moments of labor and birth when it’s just you and him in the hard place, you know, nobody’s going to come and rescue you when it’s time to push out your baby. It’s so sacred to know that you’re cared for and that God has not removed his hand from you. No, that will lead to hiding and shame during a moment when you need him the most. You’re bringing a baby into the world that he made with his own hands. That baby has a purpose and a destiny and your body right now is designed to experience intensity. 

a quick recap

Let’s do a quick recap. There are four aspects of birth. It is not just physical. It is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual.  All four of these components work holistically together. When you are prepared in all four areas, you are going to experience birth from a position of peace. Meditating on thoughts about labor pain, emergency c-sections and various health conditions will not bring peace. Careful about where you center your thoughts. 

I’ll never forget when my midwife told me that I just needed to surrender.  Look, I don’t believe in ignorant surrender. I don’t. I think it’s foolish to just give way to something that you’ve never done before. I do however, think that when you have a good understanding  of how birth works holistically–that it is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual–then you can actually surrender from a mature place.

I have  a few words for my first time mamas. If you are staring down the barrel of giving birth for the very first time, I know you’ve heard stories up to this point. I know you’ve considered all the possibilities–home birth, birth center, hospital birth. I know that you’ve been binging on birth videos, read up on the bradley method and probably researched all of the pain relief options. Let me reassure you: you are equipped for this. Your body is made for this.  And this is such an honorable and noble moment in your life. 

And a word to my mama friends who are going to have a baby maybe for the second time or the third time. You are walking in with all of your past experiences. You’ve been here, you’ve done this, and maybe your past experiences are informing your current situation and having a negative effect. My sincere ask of you while you’re reading this is to be open to the possibility that it might not be that way again. It’s possible that this birth is going to be different. It’s possible that you’re going to have more peace. I really want you to focus on getting your hopes up.  I want you to have anxious expectation that this baby is going to have a different story and it’s going to be good. It’s going to be real good.  Peace is available to you.

I want to extend this thought especially to the mamas who have lost babies. I know how that feels. I have given birth to two full term babies after having a stillborn and those pregnancies were different and I was different and the way that I experienced their birth was also very healing. My invitation to my friends who are giving birth after loss or they’re giving birth after having a traumatizing birth, your experience is valid and I know you’re feeling all the feels.If you’re wanting to get your hopes up, but you’re a little bit more timid, that’s okay.  

How are you feeling about birth now? Do you still think that pain free birth is a scam?  Oh, I hope not. I hope that you’re at least curious  to dig around and figure out which area that you have laid down your peace. Is it about the physical? Is it about the mental? Is it about the emotional? Is it the spiritual aspect? Which one of these for you really stood out to you? And I want you to just grab your birthing ball, your essential oils, and all of you comfort measures and then ask the Lord into your birth.

I’m so glad you found this blog and I hope that if it helped you even just a smidge, you’ll pass it along to a sweet mama friend. My hope is that peace will be yours!