My Fertility Plan (I’m 41)

I’m not known for ignoring baby fever.

Consider me the rebel who leans in asks, “Why does baby fever exist in the first place?”.

Entering my 40s, I face new challenges and questions about fertility and family planning, specifically in the form of questioning myself about having “baby fever” at all.

Aren’t there so many risks?

Don’t we have enough kids?

Are we supposed to suppress pregnancy as we age?

Am I supposed to “feel done” having kids? (still waiting for that, lol)

While there are many concerns about pregnancy in your forties – there is this interesting trend bubbling around on Instagram about LONGEVITY OF LIFE when you have children in your forties.

I want to live to be 100. So let’s have another baby? lol.

(Ps. Thank you to everyone here who sent me that reel on IG, and also to the people who share stories of your mothers and grandmothers who gave birth to children in their forties. Everyone who is on a mission to provoke hope in a broken world, is doing the Lord’s work. I appreciate you.)

Ok but seriously, a few of you did ask me what I am doing to take care of my fertility and my thoughts about Natural Family Planning. 

This one is for you!

In a Nutshell

• I eat nutrient dense animal meats/organs, fats like butter, eggs, oysters and the like
• 10,000 steps per day (which includes running a mile everyday for stress release)
• Tracking ovulation/cycle with tools like test strips, Oura Ring
• Taking two key supplements for fertility – Beef organs and B vitamins
• Being mindful/prayerful for mental/emotional health – especially in marriage

My Family Planning Philosophy

Family is a divinely built community. Children are wonderfully made, hand knitted souls that come forth from an expression of intimacy between my husband and I. 

“Children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from Him.” Psalm 127:3

No wonder there is such a war on family. 

I have only a little bit of evidence for this – but I sense in my soul that more and more people are waking up to a desire to have a large family. (either that or my reticular activator is fully activated)

Why are so many people open to having a large family these days?

Isn’t raising a family hard and expensive?

100%. 

Yet God values “household economy”, and it’s beautiful to see husbands and wives becoming more open to having children.

People are the currency of the Kingdom. As image bearers, we express and demonstrate God’s glory in the earth. God is not into depopulation – He knew we would increase in number!

People matter to God. And if it matters to Him, it matters to me. I’m on board with Him.

Burris told me this morning, “I can’t believe I am not scared to have another baby. We have 7. There has to be something supernatural happening in me.”

While we are not actively looking to have another baby – we are not actively interested in closing down the buffet of love and pleasure that goes on behind closed doors.

*grabs Charlie Brown Christmas aphrodisiac fleece pants*

An Attack On Fertility?

“Be FRUITFUL and multiply” Genesis 1:28

We live in a broken world heavily influenced by the love of money (evil), and I groan with women all over the world who have heard these words muttered to them…

“You have a less than 1% chance of conceiving naturally.”

We are made (designed) to be fruitful – so when we are not – it feels heavy.

In my experience, not being fruitful feels frustrating and depressing.

“What’s wrong with me?” is a common thought that is a temptation to defer hope.

Here is how broken the world is – women are sold on synthetic hormones as “birth control” for one reason or another that take us away from having a natural cycle. Then we are encouraged by culture to wait until 30’s to have babies (focus on career first – instead of career WHILE mothering), ingest lab made foods for a decade until they are “ready”.

But then when they finally are ready, are likely to have trouble (for 2-3 years) when it’s time to start trying – enter drugs – like clomid, paired with high cost testing like regular ultrasounds (which keep hospitals thriving in business).

Once you turn 35 you are considered “geriatric” (old) when and if you do get pregnant. Some people will invest thousands of dollars in IVF to help them with their desire to fulfill baby fever, experiencing a full gamut of emotions

If you feel upset about this – I am with you. The world is broken and crying for answers.

I don’t know if it’s true or not – but I seems (to me) like the people making food for our stores are more concerned about shelf life and profits. (if their food expires in the store – they pay for it – instead they make it last longer so we will pay for it)

Sorry for the heavy soapbox moment. It’s just…I had PCOS for years and have had to untangle myself from the heartache of hearing I would never have kids. It’s stuck with me. I bet thats why I embrace my fertility as the gift that it is.

For those who are longing for more children – or children at all – your biggest challenge will be to get your hopes up. 

To seek wisdom from the Lord for every next step you are to take, thanking Him for his presence as you do. 

When you think, “That’s not going to work for me even though it worked for her…” I want you to pause and remember you never have to lay down your peace – yes, you are walking in a broken garden, but you are NOT walking alone. God is walking with you in the cool of the day.

One thing I regret big time – is the way I tormented my mind with thoughts of despair as other people became pregnant. I would weaponize it against myself, using it as a confirmation that I would never be fruitful.

To my friends who are here – I love you. And I completely understand. Please Please do the work of praise in the hard – read a psalm every single day outloud – you can still decline the baby shower invite.

My Fertility Plan

I am 100% open to having children – even in my forties – as long as there is ample evidence of health for me and my husband. 

I like to consider our family planning based on stop lights.

GREEN LIGHT – YELLOW LIGHT – RED LIGHT

Green – Healthy – let’s go!

Yellow – Caution – proceed with care/wisdom.

Red – stop until green.

I am personally looking for health in key areas in our family – 

Physical health – Diet, exercise, safe to become concieve/give birth

Emotional/mental health – thought life

Marital health

Diet

I am eating rich animal based foods that are nourishing for my egg health (mitigating some of the risk of having “older eggs” – because even an old egg can be healthy and good when you feed your body the goods!)

Here is a picture of my breakfast from this past week. 3 eggs, 2oz smoked salmon, cup of berries, cheese and butter. (can of smoked oysters – not pictured) 

I’m taking beef organs and super b every day.

B vitamins are crucial for progesterone health. Because I have started my period 9-10 days past ovulation – I know that’s a key sign of low progesterone. When I take this supplement, my flow begins right on day 14 – which is a sign of health!

Beef Organs (nature’s vitamin) are crucial for me. I have hundreds of cycle repair testimonies hanging out in my phone. Any woman who isn’t eating beef liver, heart, or kidneys on a regular basis – this supplement is all you need. I healed eczema because of this supplement and have wild amounts of energy because of it. 

If you have never seen my ORGANS highlight on IG – do that now. It’s a good one!

Oysters – for egg health!

I’m eating 2 cans a week – because I LOVE how they taste. But if you don’t like them, you can find a supplement just like the beef organs. My friend (who is a doctor of chiropractic) has a link to one she takes – I will leave that for you here. The ones pictured below are from Trader Joes. ($3.69)

For more information about the importance of foods for fertility and pregnancy – I really like these easy to read books by Lily Nichols RDN, CDE

Real Food For Fertility

Real Food For Pregnancy

Exercise

I am focused on walking 10,000-12,000 steps a day and have a plain pedometer that I love! 

Part of my steps come from running a mile every day – to get my heart rate up for 11 minutes. (My body does not do well with other cardio routines – so I quit doing them altogether) I recently hired Macy (@fittestcore on IG) to help me develop a good weightlifting habit – with a high focus on building muscle in my legs. I’m so thankful for her help and support because I have never liked my butt or legs – and muscle health is critical for mental health and being fruitful for the long haul.

I’m lifting 4-5 times a week.

Physically – we are both feeling great. It’s a green light, physically. All our organs are functioning well and we are taking care of ourselves.

Health Tools I Use

Ovulation strips : I have had 3 cycles since giving birth to our 7^th baby last year, and since I am rusty with tuning into my ovulation, I use ovulation testing strips. I do one in the late morning and late afternoon during my “fertile week”. I find these to be a helpful tool while tracking – as long as I am not obsessing over it.

That’s key.

Tools are meant to serve YOU and your mission to be fruitful. They are not something that you should feel enslaved to or something to use as evidence to mentally abuse yourself. (there is a real enemy whispering terrible ideas during the fruitful years – you are not crazy)

Whoop band – Oura Ring: These are new to me over the last 18 months and I wish I would have started using them a decade ago. They are so great for measuring health and vibrancy. You can see how stress is impacting your health and make tweaks along the way. Get a free WHOOP 4.0 and one month free when you join with my link here.

If you are wanting to take your BBT temp for tracking purposes – I am using the Oura ring to do the work for me. (I have an excellent record of waking up and NOT remembering to take my temperature). Get $40 off with my link here.

I have a video about that here:

Marital Health

Once upon a time, my husband blew up our marriage. It was the best thing that ever happened to us (in hindsight, of course), and today we regularly assess the health of our friendship. 

There was a season we were separated and uncertain we would stay married. I would consider that season a “red light” season for being fruitful. 

When we were rebuilding our marriage and made the decision to reconcile and heal, we moved into a “yellow light” season and counted the cost for us. 

Right now I feel deeply connected and safe with my husband.

In fact, being in my forties has unlocked a deeper layer of trust and desire to be more comfortable in my body and skin with him. It’s kinda….fire. (Can anyone else in their forties testify to this being a thing?! lol.)

If you are walking through a difficult marital season – specifically with sexual addiction (porn, affairs, gaming, etc) I highly recommend you join Redemptive Living Academy with our counselors. They helped us save our marriage and have incredible intimacy.

Mental And Emotional Health

One thing I am vigilant to pay attention to – is processing postpartum with tenderness and mercy. We go through a lot as women who are carrying the babies and becoming mothers. 

Every time I give birth – I recount the story and release my fears and hurts from any disappointing parts of labor/delivery. This helps me heal.

I am a very busy mom. It’s tempting to shelf my thoughts and tend to the needs of our family. 

There are meals to be prepped, a home to tidy, tears to comfort, diapers to change, school work to complete.

But the best thing – is to care for my emotional well-being. Being open to healing, reading the bible, talking with God every day, letting Him show me how to take my thoughts captive and reframe my challenges….This has helped me SO MUCH with tending to my emotional / mental health.

I diffuse essential oils for aromatherapy – which is proven to help our body release negative emotions from the body and help us heal. My favorite way to do that is while I sleep. It’s so easy to put water and oils in the diffuser and let it work on me at night. You can see my favorite ones here.

Conclusion

Only the Lord knows if we will have another baby.

What I do know is that worshiping the Lord with our willingness to be fruitful – as long as there are green lights abounding – is where I feel pulled to land in this season.

I am not afraid to have “too many kids”. For the mothers reading this blog post, who already have a lot of children, you are not “selfish” for wanting more or having baby fever. Your body was physiologically designed for this.

Be mindful for your health – enjoy your marriage – and to the glory of God, multiply!

Capacity comes with every child the minute they are born. I am tended to, as I tend to our children.

Now. I always feel a bit nutty. It’s VERY LOUD at my house.

But as a 41 year old woman with lots of green lights, I am open to having more children. 

Baby fever is natural.