Overcoming Fear and Anxiety Takes More that Affirmations

Overcoming fear takes more than just slapping an affirmation on our soul and walking away.  Today, I want to talk about affirmations and take a new look at why they may not be working for you. You’re not alone in that, by the way.  Have you ever wondered why some verses that are commonly used as affirmations just don’t move you into peace around something practical in your daily life? 

Here’s what I mean by that. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (except when I’m looking at labor in three weeks and it’s gonna be really, really hard).

For, I know all the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you (except in childbirth).

help vs harm

It’s going to be a little dicey. I believe that sometimes affirmations, even the high octane truth-dripping sentences and sayings, can actually be really harmful when you are not willing to (or are unsure how to) uncover and address some really deep seated fears and unbelief. God wants to heal you from fear and unbelief and invite you into deeper relationship. He wants you to trust Him more. 

The point is we don’t want to just slap an affirmation over an unbelief or a certain fear that gets us to lay down our peace. We actually have to dig into those fearful thoughts to discover what is at the root.

Speaking of feelings of fear, let’s chat about birthing babies! We talk about the nuts and bolts of birth a lot, but we don’t talk about the emotional, mental and spiritual aspects of birth. It’s more than just physical. I think pulling the curtain back on that really gets people to see that it’s a beautiful process. I have a heart for it. You may even found me because of my Instagram Live births. I know that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it has been something that many expectant moms appreciate, especially when they’re making their birth plans and may be experiencing feelings of anxiety.

I took my own birth course (again!)

When I was preparing for Riven’s birth, I took my own Peace on Purpose birth class  (a good idea for anyone expecting!) and I had some beautiful breakthroughs. With my previous birth, Bohannon, the cord was wrapped around his neck, his thigh, and his shoulder. I stood up during the birth and basically just let the baby kind of fall and unravel himself before I got to scoop him up and watch him take his first breath. This gave me some baggage to bring into my most recent birth. It had to do with thoughts like, “what if that happens again?” It wasn’t like I was in constant fear, I just had a lot of anxious feelings to sift through. I had a massive invite to lay down my peace. 

In hindsight, it was really amazing how God’s hand was on him and he was protected. But I found myself asking, “what if that happens again?” I was tempted to get in the pool of panic. I know that getting in the pool of panic is not a problem as long as I don’t stay in the pool of panic. Do you hear what I’m saying? You never have to lay down your peace. The goal for you to live in such a way where you never lay it down, but the invitation is the reminder that you can always pick it back up.  You’re gonna be tempted to lay down your peace, whatever it is you’re looking at. For me, I was unpacking the panic thoughts, any perceived threat and any real threat that my brain was offering me before Riven’s birth.

As I studied cognitive behavior therapy, I learned so many new things about the brain. My brain is amazing and your brain is amazing. My brain was basically saying, Hey, what are you gonna do if this happens? Again, it was kind of inviting me into creating a playbook, so I could skip feeling the disappointment if something went wrong. Our brains will go to great lengths in a fear response. That’s how your brain was designed.

When my brain latches on to intense fear–even irrational fear– it does everything in its power to address one of the strongest human needs: safety. This leads me into the temptation that that is going to happen again and then what happens is I’ll end up bracing myself. And when I brace myself and I prepare for the worst, then I experience pain in lots of ways by taking on that attitude: emotional pain, physical pain, and spiritual pain.

there is a way out

When I invite you to a life of peace, what I’m saying is there are things that you can do like taking your thoughts captive. But it doesn’t mean you’re never going to get in the pool of panic or avoid the feeling of fear. You will just have easier access to the way out. You’re going to jump in the pool of worry today or next time you’re faced with everyday fears. It’s inevitable. But when God says in his word to not be anxious for anything, he’s not saying symptoms of anxiety are just “in your head” or to just get over it. He’s saying that when you experience anxiety, there is a way out. There is a healthy way to respond. 

Let’s be real. You are going to lay down your peace. You’re going to get into the pool of panic and you are going to indulge in thoughts that bring you worry and raise your stress levels. Just like I was thinking while preparing for Riven’s birth..what if that happens again? What if Riven gets tangled in the cord like Bohannon did.  So many strong emotions. Mama, I’m here to tell you you are alone in this. 

The really interested and amazing things was that my labor was actually over four days with Bohannon. What was really miraculous about this was he was so entangled in his cord that my body knew to go slow and that faster labor could have actually made it so that his cord couldn’t stretch the way that it needed to. So my body and my uterus contracting over days instead of hours, gave the cord time to stretch. By God’s design, my body knew the cord needed time to stretch because he was entangled in it. It was beautiful. 

the zone of possibility

With Riven’s impending birth, my brain offered me thoughts like your baby is going to be completely tangled in the cord again. Your brain is going to take you to the worst case scenario. And God says you need to take your thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and step into the zone of possibility. You’re going to have 60,000 thoughts today and 80% of them are going to be negative thoughts if you don’t know how to take your thoughts captive. I help people cut that number in half, which means you’re going to experience 50% less worry and you’re going to learn how to get out of the pool of panic. I teach people how to get out of the pool. 

One of the things that I tell people in learning how to get out of the pool of panic is sometimes the verse or the affirmation feels so far out of reach. As a result, we go into despair and we think it’s just too far of a jump for me to actually believe that and trust the Lord with all my heart and all my soul and lean not on my own understanding.

Let’s say you’re worried about something and experiencing symptoms of fear. You’re in the pool of panic and I’m sitting in the cabana. I’ve got my fancy mocktail and I’ve got my book and I’m watching you in the pool of panic. You’re there because there is something that you’re genuinely concerned about and you have good reason to be concerned about it. Let’s just say I lower my book down a little bit and I’m looking at you flailing in the pool of panic and I say, “It’s gonna be fine. All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose.” And then I go back to reading my book. Have I really helped you? No, I haven’t. I have not helped you. I haven’t thrown you any life preserver. I haven’t shown you how to get out of the pool. I haven’t kindly reached my hand down and helped you out of that place. And this is where I think we really run into trouble with this trend of just slapping affirmations over genuine fears. There’s a better way. 

peace on purpose

Faith and wisdom work together and sometimes we don’t have wisdom about the way forward. That doesn’t mean that our faith is irrelevant. It doesn’t mean that our faith can’t cover that. It does. They work together, right?  Sometimes you need somebody who has wisdom and who has walked through this before to coach you and to help you out of the pool of panic. They can teach you what to do when you get back in the pool because you will again. You’re never going to run out of things to worry about. Those worries revolve around the six F’s of life: your faith, your family, your finances, your field (which is your job or your career) your friendships, and your fitness (personal health). We can’t just slap affirmations over people who are genuinely concerned or worried and expect them to be whole and healed. They’re learning how to cultivate peace on purpose. The goal in cultivating peace on purpose in your life is not to live as one who never lays down her peace. The goal is to remember that God is always inviting us to pick His peace back up. 

The first thing that you have to do when you’re in the pool of panic is you have to take the small step to acknowledge that you’re in panic. You have to uncover your fear. And how you do that is to first kind of take inventory of what is the thing that I’m worried about and what is the thought underneath it–the real reason–that is making my anxiety levels rise. 

In my birth class, I have  an assessment tool that helps you uncover your actual deep seated fears around birth. The questions drill down to find out if you are worried about things like tearing, c-section, pain, advocating for yourself, and the baby’s health and vulnerability. 

For me, it was pushing. I have a pain-free birth all the way to pushing, which is amazing. But then the pushing phase is the most anxiety-provoking for me. I had to uncover my fear–which is the first step. In my past births, I would get to pushing and I would often feel discouraged and helpless. Then when I had feelings of discouragement, I would feel physical and emotional pain. Once I uncovered that fear, I realized that phase was the most difficult for me. I realized that I was mostly unpacking the stories and the experiences I had heard from others and that became mind mess. My course is designed to help you know what to expect which dispels fear.

When you step into the zone of curiosity, you can offer yourself a new thought (aka taking your thoughts captive). That new thought can be, for example, “well, how do I wanna feel about pushing? And how is, how is that even possible?”  Instead of feeling helpless, how can I, for example, feel supported. That word just stood out to me. Supported.

When you know how you feel, even if it’s negative, you can ask yourself what’s the opposite? Then it allows your brain to get in the zone of possibility with thoughts like how is this possible and how do I wanna feel?  When I found that the opposite of helpless was supported, something clicked for me. This got me into a better place: the zone of possibility. It might be possible for me  to feel supported while I’m in the pushing phase. What would that look like? Your brain is so amazing. It plays movies for a living. That’s what your brain does–it tells you stories all day long. If you give your brain an opportunity to picture something and play a movie that’s positive, the you enter the zone of possibility and this is life-changing. 

If you are just slapping an affirmation over your fears and never getting to the core of what you’re really, really stuck in unbelief about, freedom is out of reach. When you confess to God that you’re in the pool of panic and you want to learn how to get out, God doesn’t say, “you just shouldn’t struggle with this.”  He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

it takes practice

The more you practice picking up your peace and the more you practice getting out of that pool of panic, the more likely you are to live from a position of peace. t’s beautiful and it’s amazing and it’s possible. The next step for you is to stop just hurting yourself by saying, I’m just not a good Christian because I really don’t believe that about God. 

We have to get curious. We have to close that gap of unbelief that we have from. The fruit of taking your thoughts captive and learning how to get out of the pool of panic is so rich. The word is gonna come more alive for you. You’re going to have a deeper relationship with the Holy Spirit than you ever had before. What if you could say to God, “I wanna do things that you call me to do, but right now I am just in panic and I need you to show me the way out.” Peace is not something that is too far out of reach for you, my friend. The Prince of Peace is closer to you might realize. 

invitation

My invitation for you today, friend, is to be mindful of how quick you are to slap an affirmation on something. Perhaps it’s time to go deeper. God is good, He sees you. He loves you, He cares, and you’re being invited into no longer slapping a verse on something just to make it better, but to develop a deeper faith and greater trust in His goodness. 

who needs to hear this message?

​This topic is timely not just for expectant moms, but for anyone about to dive in or already flailing in the pool of panic. Share the good news with them that there is a way out. Send this blog over to them and pray for their peace. I’m so glad you’re here! Thank you!