What To Do When You Wonder If Your Kids Will Follow Christ

You have probably prayed with your kids. You’ve taught them how to pray. You’ve cracked open the Bible–God’s Word. You’ve gone to church. You’ve had dinner with other believers and maybe even Bible studies or small groups. Your kids have been around other believers and it’s possible that they even know how to act like a Christian. This blog is meant to bring a word of encouragement to parents of young children that are experiencing sleepless nights and uncertain times while training their children in the Christian faith. Maybe your child is getting a little bit older and you’re not just dealing with tantrums anymore. Maybe your family is entering into a season where the children are actively questioning the parents’ faith or they’re questioning your leadership. It’s an exciting, yet daunting, stage with the teen years just around the bend.

new stage, new challenges

I bring this up because my oldest turned 12 this year and I’m seeing this growing up phase as a good thing. It’s been full of interesting twists and turns during this past year. The way that she interacts with me and the way that she interacts with her brothers and sisters is giving me clues about her emerging spiritual maturity. I can see her young mind kind of making this transition from being a little kid and playing to being interested in different things and becoming a bit more mature in her faith journey.

It’s really beautiful. And it’s also kind of heart-wrenching, to be honest with you. In some ways, I still see her as my little four year old with cute little pigtails and her whole world was our family. I now see her starting to question me, examine her own heart and wanting to do things her own way. Her independence is emerging. 

Of course, as parents, we don’t always know what we’re doing. Shocker, right!? Our job is to have structures within the home that make it clear and kind for them to know what’s expected of them and also just offer a lot of mercy and a lot of grace. I remember when Avery was born, my firstborn, I looked at her and I apologized in advance. I said, “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know the Lord is with me. And you are on the best things he has happened to me! And I know you’re going to have lots of mercy for me.” And she does. All our firstborns have so much mercy. But today I want to  kind of pull back the curtain a little bit and maybe even be a little bit vulnerable with you.  

it’s about more than the donuts

Over this weekend, I was standing over the sink like I usually do. I was washing dishes and I was just disappointed with my older kids. It was because of something that had happened earlier that morning.  On rest day, we decided that we were going to bless the kids with a ton of donuts. It was super fun and we just let him have a heyday. We told them to have as many as they wanted within reason. The next day, we had about a dozen donuts left over from the day before and I wasn’t planning on letting them have tons of donuts again. I didn’t want to just throw them away either. And so I told the kids to have ONE donut until the big breakfast was ready…to kind of hold them over, you know? They were so excited. They were like, well, Mom, um…there’s enough for everybody here to have TWO donuts. You sure you don’t want to give us two??? I kindly told them to just have one each. They all grabbed their donut and they were really, really happy and everybody went on their way. I ended up going on to make breakfast and doing the normal things, but I did leave the donuts out on the counter. After cleaning up breakfast, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that two of my older kids grabbed donuts and hid them behind their backs. Then they quickly walked to the garage. They thought I didn’t see. 

Even though I had a million other things that I wanted to do, I realized that this was an opportunity. So I chose the heart. I turned around and I went back and I opened the garage door and I confronted them. With their cheeks full of donuts and frosting in the cracks of their mouths, there was no way to escape accountability. So we had the conversation. We did the thing. We explained that it was wrong and they knew that it was wrong. They actually confessed that they knew it was wrong and that they had given into temptation. We are given all these opportunities to demonstrate the gospel. It was after all of conversation and a few tears shed that I just felt weary. You feel me, mama?

kitchen sink convo with the Lord

I was standing over the sink and I started talking to the Lord about my children’s souls. I asked Him, “are they going to love you? Are they going to walk with you? Are they going to have a conversion? I see these moments where they have this thirst for your word and a love of Jesus and we have these deep conversations. But then there are these times that they’re just in outright rebellion. They don’t care about anything that is godly and good. And I feel like I’m taking 10 steps backwards. Times when my level of concern just skyrockets.” I just poured it all out right there at the kitchen sink. My worst fears. My concerns about the world today. The false ideas floating around in culture. The whole thing. 

And for those of you guys who are new to the blog, I want you to know something really important. When you ask a question that is laced with doubt, turn it into a statement and then you’ll know what you believe. When I was standing over the sink, washing dishes, and I was asking the Lord, “are my children going to be saved?”, I could turn that into this statement: I don’t think my children are going to be saved. And if you go down this route, it gets dark and twisty really fast, right? We start to worry and we start to lay down our peace. I know I’m just talking about donuts here, but I know that there are some people who are reading this and you’re in a really challenging season. If they’re going to lie about the donuts, they’re going to lie about other things. If they’re going to sneak about these things, they’ll sneak about bigger things. And I think that’s the part that we as parents get emotionally connected to.  We want our kids to take the good road because we know where the bad road leads, right?

trying to save them from the pain

I grew up in an environment where I did not know the Lord and I was not encouraged to know the Lord. I wasn’t taught about God’s grace or my need for forgiveness. I know about the hard times that life brings and I would give anything for my kids to skip over that. 

Yet, I know they are going to have to go through hard things because that’s what draws us unto the Lord.

Parents, you give birth and raise the kids. But God gives new life and saves the kids. I’ve talked about this before– this idea that we’re bowling with bumpers. The idea that when you’re one of God’s children, even when you get off the path and you take a harder path, it’s like you’re bowling with bumpers, right? You can’t go in the gutter. God can take your crooked paths and make them straight. When we’re in seasons of disobedience and we’re just not following the Lord in a way that’s righteous and good, God’s still got us. And the goal here is to hit the pins, right? Hitting the pins, aka doing the good works that God set out for us, is what he has said he will bring to completion. This is good news. And this is what we want our children to have, as well. God’s lane/job is to regenerate our kids’ heart and spirit and save them and give them a desire to follow him all the days of their life. Our lane/job is to give them boundaries and raise them in order to show them the law. Your home and my home hopefully are structured in a way where  the rules are clear and kind.

I’ll take a moment right here to share with you about a kids’ habit system that we use with our kids. It’s a list of daily habits that the kids start when they wake up each day. They know exactly what they’re going to do that day. They have a checklist of items to do. It’s great and full of practical ways to get things done and it has been a huge help. When the kids are saying they’re bored or they don’t know what to do, we lovingly guide them back to that checklist and ask them to participate. These clear and kind habits are really helpful because it gives them vision for their day, but also when they fail to complete things or they fall off track. 

the gospel on display in the kitchen

We also have this conversation with our kids that no matter how many times you didn’t miss or that you did miss the mark today, it’s wiped clean. And this is what Jesus has done for us. It’s this beautiful conversation. And believe it or not, as I was standing over the dishes and just kind of pouring my heart out with the Lord, that I remembered this beautiful representation of the gospel in our daily lives. 

We’re just in the nitty gritty of parenting. And I love my kids. I love when we respect each other. I love when we’re operating in the fruit of the spirit and invite our kids into that same openness and beauty.

And when they don’t do it or they rebel, it’s just not fun. Here’s the thing. We’re in the trenches and God says, this is your lane. You do your lane. You set up the systems. You make clear and kind boundaries for your children. When they dishonor, when they disobey, be ready to get in the game and have the same conversation over and over and over again about the goodness of forgiveness. We have difficult conversations, but this is the lane that we as parents are called to.  And when we see our children just testing their limitations, asking questions, just kind of getting off the beaten path of goodness, it’s our job to call them up and out. 

staying in my lane

This is the follow through. Every time that you stop and you follow through and you have the same conversation, the difficult conversations, it’s what the Lord has called you into and the Holy Spirit is doing his work, too. God’s faithfulness endures.

Sometimes we step out and we parent out of our own selfishness, but the good news is that when we repent and when we get right with the Lord, we immediately can step back into our authority that God gave us with our children. And we say, Lord, we need you. We need you to wipe our record clean. We acknowledge that we are not perfect. And it is in these moments, that our kids see that. We all need Jesus–even (especially?!) parents! This is where God can ignite hearts and regenerate hearts.

Oh friend, I get it. I’m in the trenches with you. But at the end of the day, if you are providing a place for your children to know the difference between good and bad and they understand that Jesus Christ is always there for them and we all need Him, then God and the Holy Spirit can do their work, too. i

with you in the trenches

God is good and he is giving our kids new life. He saves. Parents give birth and raise and God gives new life and saves. Be of good courage, my friends. You are among friends here in the trenches of parenthood and you are loved. You are seen. You are heard. And you are doing all the things that display God’s love and goodness in you. Let God do His job and you continue to do yours. 

Thank you for reading my blog. I love sharing with you here! If this blessed you,would you do me a favor and share it with a friend in the trenches today? More people need to know that they never, ever have to lay down the peace of God. 

You can also find out ways that you can partner with me or work with me for a season. You can get more information at leslieburris. com. Can’t wait to serve you more.