As many Christian couples do, my husband and I had dreamy aspirations and lofty expectations when we braided that three cord strand six years ago. My husband was “called” to be a pastor/church planter (however that whole thing works, I still don’t know), and I had hoped to glean from his purpose, desiring myself to help and teach hundreds of women about Jesus. In our eyes, we were a perfect fit. Right after our ceremony we headed to Denver to share the beacon of hope with those who had not yet met Jesus.
Fast forward to today, I sit here and ponder what anniversary card I could give my husband that would accurately describe our lives up until this point. Obviously I will not find a Hallmark that reads;
“Thank you for six years of your willingness to be married to me, especially when it hasn’t turned out the way we had hoped. We violently went to war with one another and made a mockery of our vows, but cheers to another year! Thank you for cheating on me. It wasn’t what I wanted, but exactly what I needed. Glad we put down our swords.
All my love… Leslie.”
Ok, it’s true. I really mean that bold statement in a gratitude filled way, which means I probably am not qualified to share to masses of women the love of Jesus the way I had hoped. But if you dare to wrap your mind around this with me, I have never felt more alive in my entire life than I do today because of that trauma. I feel pain, sure, but I am alive!
Year after year, one small disappointment after another, mixed with rotten selfish behavior, a dash of living the Christian facade, and its not really much of a shocker anymore that my husband cheated. What started early in marriage as a fresh body of water, full of dreams and Jesus’s leading, slowly over time turned into a cesspool of deadly waste.
Was He still blessing us? Absolutely. We didn’t move across the country three times, make countless friends, influence people to rely on the gospel and have three babies apart from his grace upon our lives. But no doubt we missed out on the many adventures that derive from fellowship with Him.
This year, our anniversary will be the best one yet. I am sure of it. Not because we are doing good, but because we are in Good Hands. May the One who has not allowed us to fall through the cracks, be center stage again, and the blood red cord weave us together, calling us clean.
“The waters of this stream will make the salty waters of the Dead Sea fresh and pure. There will be swarms of living things wherever the water of this river flows. Fish will abound in the Dead Sea, for its waters will become fresh. Life will flourish wherever this water flows. Fishermen will stand along the shores of the Dead Sea. All the way from En-gedi to En-eglaim, the shores will be covered with nets drying in the sun.”